I am reading “True Meditation” by Adyashanti and “Manifest Your Destiny” by Wayne Dyer. I am gleaning a little bit of information from each of these books. The ideas of letting go and I am God. “Until we can allow everything to be as it is, in the deepest possible way, in the most profound way, we are still involved in control.” Adyashanti. “I like to think of God as the ocean and myself as a glass. If I dip the glass into the ocean, I will have a glass full of God.” Wayne Dyer. So, I will continue to completely let go of my mind chatter. Recognize it for what it is when it occurs. Trust that I am one with divinity and ask that I be used to fulfill my purpose on this earth. When I act, I will act with awareness. In this way I will know that God will be acting through me. My efforts will be in not trying to understand, but just to Be, Trust, then Act.
I feel drawn more and more to stillness. I am meditating more, thinking a whole lot less. I feel peaceful. I do trust that I will be okay after I quit my job. I am still completely in the dark about the future. But that is okay, it’s really kind of exciting. I have never done anything without a plan. I have also been reading a little Sara Ban Breathnach, “Something More”. I’m not sure her book is going to resonate with me, but so far a least this one part did. She suggests that there is a time in our past when we left our authentic selves behind in pursuit of what other people might want from us. I vividly remember a time when I tried to run away from my mom to move in with my dad. We were at my grandparents house and we got into a fight. I don’t remember what it was about, but I’m sure it had something to do with her not giving me what I needed as far as what I thought a parent should give. I left my grandparents house, began walking towards town and developed a plan of how I would call my Dad, have him get me a bus ticket, etc. My Grandfather came to get me in his car. There was an internal struggle. Should I get into his car, back to safety or defy him and continue to try to get to my Dad? Of course, I got into the car. When I made that choice I choose the life that my Grandparents had shown me to be good. I always wanted what they had. A swimming pool, screened in porch, fireplace, dining out at restaurants,etc. A life of ease. My mother did not provide me with these things, but at that point I made a choice. That I would live with my mother, but follow a path that would get me the life of my Grandparents. I sit here now in this house, no pool, but otherwise exactly what I always wished for. I can afford dinners at restaurants and a life of ease. But now I find that it isn’t what I need as a human. It is their life and I do not want to be who they are/were as people. So who did I leave behind that day? Who is my authentic self? How does she want to live her life? My first clue is nature. That is where I have always found the greatest joy.
Tags: authentic self
